enpapier

you smoke in the stairway you sleep in a coma you drink alcohol while watching dim sum you breathe heavily next to me you smell like cigarettes and tree soap you wish you could play the cello i wish you wouldn't pass out you wish i wasn't so thin you wish we could be out all night; eating like birds in Chinatown, smoking and laughing and drinking with dark circles under our eyes, our eyes heavy your hands are cold in the shower my body is bruised my skeleton is showing

i want to sleep- with his beating pulse, his ribs mark the scars where i plant my lips, and where you bleed for me, dear

part two // after death 1. today i am going to do something that i will probably regret and i will commit suicide afterwards and i will die with a smile on my face because i will do something awful and i will be dead and no one can convict me only posthumously. 2. john drove us to alex’s  convenience store, who would later be my accessory after the fact. I walked inside with my gun i stole in my green jacket and i walked to the back of the store to get some sprite because i was really thirsty and honestly nervous. I drank it and yelled i’d pay for it, because i knew the owner alex and i didn’t want him to

i want to be a vampire living in the dark in solitude with books and tea and hot chocolate asian porn and western porn and blood and yogurt and crackers and grapes and japanese food mangas and computer addict and tv addict addictaddictaddict

i like to think that people are out there living and going to parties in boston on a friday night and seeing school plays on saturdays and shopping with their mother on sundays while i am sitting at home alone reading the catcher in the rye, watching films on sundance, and drinking tea i really like to think that

IV. They listen in church, And listen to their parents, And it turns out- They just don’t want to Listen anymore. VII. She told her mother That she was severely depressed. Her mother was unaware Of the severity Of her daughter’s depression. When she heard the shot upstairs, She knew had failed. XII. I’ve accepted That I’m not meant to be here. XIII. I’d like to give you My most precious antiques Before I go.